Sunday, January 27, 2013

Long January Days

January is the hardest month.  The celebration of a year gone by, family surrounding the table and the hope for a new year full of adventure are quickly drowned out by the cold dark days that not even the mercury cares to pay a visit. 

I'll set my sights on the lovely month of February.

Why the somber tone?  It could be the relentless pile of work that awaits each morning at my office.  It could be the assignments piling up for another semester of Doctoral work.  It may be the New Year's resolution of eating healthy and working out that I am determined to keep.

But those? I can handle.  Those are easy.

I miss my husband.  No, he's not gone.  No, he's not absent.  No, he's not emotionally checked out.  He's just not here.  Now.  My husband is an engineer and with 5 years of work under his belt, he is ready to take his professional exam.  This April, he'll walk in, pencil and calculator in hand to prove that his life as a student and now as an employee is valid.

He doesn't do anything half way.  He works 8 hours, sometimes more, grabs dinner and leaves for the library.  With a sense of purpose, he crunches numbers and solves equations, gearing up for a solid performance in April.  He is determined, not just to pass, but to excel. 

For now, the minutes and hours tick by.  His glasses perfectly positioned; his hand gliding his pencil across the paper.

For now, evenings are quite.  Those driving by our 6' x 6', street facing window don't see silhouettes of a couple, dancing to the perfect Pandora pick or a quick goodnight kiss as one surrenders the night before the other.  The lights are low.  The floors creek. 

Instead, I light the entryway lamp and fall asleep with a bite from the cold in the sheets.  He'll come home, crawl in beside me and give a kiss before his eyes, heavy with work, find their way to dreamland. 

There are no complaints.  There is no resentment.  Just a girl who is eternally proud of the determined man she was lucky to marry. 

I'll pack snacks.  I'll pre-prepare dinners. 

I'll give the biggest kiss when he gets the letter, informing him that he is a Professional Engineer. 

But for now, my Redbird Radio station on Pandora sings quiet, calming tunes as the night winds down. 

Good night world.  I must go to bed...  My husband is coming for a visit. 

1 comment:

  1. You've been through this before... many, many times. Your relationship has grown through absence, and this is maybe one of the shortest times! It will be all worth it in just a few, short months. And, best of all, every night, you have him next to you in bed - safe - not only by phone in another country. Keep your (metalic) chin up!